I have no reason to love Cranky Pat’s Pizzeria – but I do.

As a college student, I was one of the Oshkosh location’s inaugural cooks. It was a fun enough college job, and I worked with a group of great people. But I was also laid off during the holidays and routinely sent home an hour into my shift to save a few bucks; I reeked of oregano after every work day; I was scheduled to cook for Town Motel prostitutes and tactless frat rejects on the weekend night shift (6 p.m. to 4 a.m.) when I could’ve otherwise been getting shitfaced or having unprotected sex with my pro-choice then-girlfriend.

I was eventually fired from my $7.00/hr job at Cranky’s a scheduling oversight, thus ending a smelly, often frustrating, but unforgettable period of my life. I wouldn’t do it again, but I’m happy I worked there both for the memories it provided and – more so – for the opportunity to regularly stuff myself on the Fox Valley’s best pizza.

In 1955, Pat Earle and then-friend Frank Pierri brought pizza to downtown Appleton from Chicago, opening Frank & Pat’s. The duo was rumored to have a nasty falling out, prompting Earle to later open Cranky Pat’s in Neenah.

Though both Earle and Pierri have since died, their thin crust take on Chicago ‘Za continues to dole out boners and sopping wet panties to Northeast Wisconsinites to this very day. They shred the cheese and make the sausage in a shed behind the Neenah location, and cook the pizzas in an archaic – yet high quality oven that’s stood in the location from the very beginning.

Though most of the menu items have gone unchanged, Cranky Pat’s has adapted to the times. In fact, the Neenah location’s bar room is one of the premiere (and only) stages in the area to catch both local and touring acts. Locations have also popped up in Oshkosh and Neenah in recent years. 

THE GOOD: The sauce. I’m inclined to believe that if one were to pinprick a Saint and taste its blood, its taste would resemble that of Crank’s sauce. It’s delightfully salty and dominates the pie. The fresh mushrooms are incredible too. 

THE BAD: The price. If nothing else, I was fortunate to have worked at Cranky’s in college because I would’ve rarely been able to pay for it otherwise. It’s expensive as fuck, ranging from $11 (for a small cheese) to $26 (for a large Pat’s Special). You get what you pay for, but with pizza even half as good available for 75 percent of the price, it might not be something you’ll be willing to pay too often. And to obtain a frozen pizza (available at area grocers), you’ll need to mortgage your home or sell your first born into indentured servitude.

TRY: The midnight buffet and the Cranky Sticks. Avoid the late night Perkins crowd with Cranky’s pizza buffet (Thurs-Sat). A mere $8 for all you can eat pizza is well worth it, plus – unlike at Perkins or George Webb – you can get booze with your meal, while supporting a time-honored local legend.

RATING: My prolonged exposure might make me biased, but food alone, Cranky Pat’s get our highest (and first) rating yet – 12 Thumbs Up!

Cranky Pat's, Fox Valley, Green Bay, Neenah, Oshkosh, Reviews, T. Mario