There’s a reason why there isn’t an exterior shot of Cheyenne’s on the bar’s Web site — it’s built into the bottom a fucking parking ramp. Holy shit, does this place have an undesirable location. And it’s too bad because Cheyenne’s pizza is pretty much awesome. Yet the understated Appleton sports bar goes widely without notice by both the area’s hungry and its thirsty.
To give you a better idea of what I mean, have you ever seen the movie Uncle Buck? Well, you know that bitchy daughter who, beneath her cuntish reaction to her family leaving Indianapolis, you realized was going to be totally hot eventually? (She’s older than me, so it’s cool). Well, that same girl, who – all grown up - you now squeeze off to when watching Yes, Dear on days your Internet connection is slow at 2 p.m., is Cheyenne’s pizza in this simile. The decaying parking ramp, drifters and ever-present road construction surrounding Cheyenne’s is like the mom in Uncle Buck. What a unfortunate looking woman she was. Seriously, I’d rather bang John Candy… now.
Anyway, back to Cheyenne’s…
THE GOOD: Specialty pizzas. Like most traditional sports bars, Cheyenne’s has your usual bar food — nachos, sandwiches, an assortment of burgers and a Friday fish fry. That’s all well and fine, but the pizzas are the cat’s molasses (that’s the term, right?). They’re thin crust square slices of Utopia, heaping with toppings and gooey cheese. They even say their pizza is “Rated #1″… but they provide no attribution to that rating, so I’m not inclined to believe that. As a writer for the Midwest’s #1 Rated Web site, I can’t trust just any claim.
THE BAD: The prices. For what you pay ($9.95 – $17.95, additional toppings $1/each), the portions are generous enough, but figuring you’re at a bar, you’ll want a few drinks while you wait. Suddenly, a somewhat better version of a delivery Za has turned into a $50 tab… if not more. I suppose you could take it out or just have water or soda, but is that possible when you’re going to a bar? Not in Wisconsin. Plus, they use canned mushrooms instead of fresh. That’s as unnatural as putting an Uncle Buck reference in a pizza review.
TRY: [Meat] — “The Works” is a shitload of sausage, pepperoni, green peppers, onions and black olives. It’s the kind of pizza a man could write a sonnet to. [Meatless] — “Vegetarian” also kicks total ass. It’s The Works minus the meat.
RATING: Beating Mario 3 meets waking up to a (sub-par) HJ.
