Sometimes when I’m sitting around, once again bored in the lonely existence that my life’s decisions have brought about, I simply type the word “pizza” into a YouTube search and see what comes up. Now and again — amid the Coldplay fan covers, “epic fails” and clips of that “Snooki” girl getting laid out by some assclown that comprise about 94 percent of YouTube videos — I’ll stumble on to something kind of pizza-related that I feel is worth writing about. It’s one of my more attractive characteristics, I assure you.

In the past, I’ve deconstructed a Jonas Brothers video, and posted a list of decent pizza clips during times when the site’s activity was down … or when I didn’t foresee eating at a new pizza place in the near future. Today is no different. I happened upon this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tribute clip that uses the song “Pizza Power” as background music.
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1215 North Chicago Avenue
South Milwaukee, WI 53172
(414) 571-7171‎

DeRango’s Pizzeria is located in South Milwaukee. You would think you’re going to the south side of Milwaukee but you’re actually several towns away from Milwaukee. That’s how this town has tricked people into visiting it’s Detroit like existence for decades. Have you ever been to South Milwaukee? Can you name anything that’s in South Milwaukee besides DeRango’s Pizzeria? Probably not. As luck would kick me in the balls, I work in beautiful South Milwaukee. Since I am stuck there taking pictures of expensive baseball bats pretty much every day I decided to do some pizza research. Turns out this little town is full of pizza joints.

Since he’s native, I asked TJ, the “manager” of the 4-5 man operation I work at, where the best pizza in town is. He didn’t say DeRango’s but I decided to give it a go anyway. I checked their menu online. Oh wait. No I didn’t. They don’t have a website or even a menu online. I called them up, ordered a large pepperoni, and waited the 25 minutes to go pick it up.

 

Upon walking into the little room that calls itself a pizzeria, I was greeted (actually, not greeted or even looked at) by 4 surly looking gentlemen arguing about programming the menu into their register. Where was the polite, sheepish, girl I spoke to on the phone? Was it one of these guys who were starting to freak me out a little? After about what felt like 20 minutes the girl opened a door with the pizza, I paid her, and got the crap out of there.
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As Ronnie, a DoZ reader named Brad and I came to know, the tucked away throwback that is MaMa DeMarinis’ is the kind of place you go when you initially  attempted to go to a different pizza place because it had a funny TV ad a few years back, you witness a drug deal outside of that (now closed) restaurant, and you drive around aimlessly until someone eventually remember it exists. That’s a story for another day… but that’s how we finally happened upon the elder most of the Bay View restaurants bearing the DeMarinis’ name last week.

Nearly dying on 27th Street after witnessing a felony aside, I’m glad for the night’s events, if only because they led us to one of the better and more unique pizzerias the Milwaukee area has to offer. Read on as I tell you why this run down neighborhood restaurant isn’t nearly as getting-AIDS-worthy as our own Sto Cazzo insists it is.
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It seems like it was just three months ago that we young and enthusiastic priests of the pizza pie finally logged off Tube8, got our shit together and launched Doctors of Za — forever changing the world (world = average of 23 unique visitors per day). Fittingly, it has been exactly three months since the world’s greatest curse-word-heavy, primarily Wisconsin-based pizza review Web site (at least the greatest that we know of) began.

Already, at only like 1.8 dog years of age, we’ve posted 50 reviews that span six different states; MLB Network’s Trenni Kusnierek Tweeted her love for the DoZ; I unnecessarily picked on talented and seemingly cool Milwaukee rapper JC Poppe; and I’m pretty sure one of us typed the word “cunt” at least once in a review.

But few know how far this site’s history truly spans… until now. Initial planning for Doctors of Za started when I worked for a daily newspaper in the Fox Cities. In a detailed 3-page submission destined for the Editor in Chief and our publisher, I pitched DoZ as a light-hearted blog devoted to one man’s appreciation for local pizza. It made it to a Content Manager (half a rung up the ladder), who stopped reading after a page, giving it the immediate thumbs down. Mind you, this newspaper has reader submitted pictures of dogs as the front page centerpiece three of seven days each week… so whatever.

Undaunted, I approached Ronnie and told him my idea… which he loved. I asked him to design a site any way he’d like, and he knocked it out of the park. Just look at this thing! From there, I recruited some friends, who happen to be some of the best and funniest writers in the state, to contribute to a blog where there would be no compensation, and possibly no readers. Everyone I asked accepted my invitation and has produced incredible stuff. Seriously, my dad likes Benji Mane’s reviews more than mine. 

Anyway, above this (slightly too long) letter will soon rest our 50th review: A collaborative effort between myself — the visionary and the original Doctor of Za — and Ronnie — the man who put my idea into action, and who has done a great deal of our reviews to date — to rate MaMa DeMarinis’ Pizza in Bay View. But 50 reviews merely marks the beginning. Thank you to the other writers, and mostly, to our readers. I assure you that as long as there’s pizza to eat and dick jokes to make, we’ll be there. I’m willing to even bet someone threatens to sue us before this is all over. That’d be kind of awesome.

Love,
T. Mario

One of the last places you would look for a good pizza place is in the strip mall attached to a gas station. But that’s exactly where Times Square Bistro & Pizzeria is located. Snuggled between a Mobil and a liquor store (a few blocks from the Allen-Bradley Clock Tower), Time Square’s main goal is the quick by-the-slice type service. But don’t write them off as a strictly slice place; there are a few other surprises in this strip mall pizzeria.
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I don’t really have a lot of reasons to go to West Bend; pretty much only the only time I’m ever there is to visit two friends that happen to live there. Recently said friends recommended the Doctors of Za try some of West Bend’s finest pizza: Tomaso’s. It doesn’t really look like much from the outside; and the inside feels a bit more like a northwoods sports bar than a pizza parlor. But in all honesty, as long as there’s good pizza, I’d go to pretty much any shithole.
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If you know me, and you totally probably don’t, you know that I’m not exactly the type of bro who likes fine dining. To be quite honest, the best meals of my life were eaten at a shitty coffee table while I was dressed in sweatpants with a hole in the crotch and a Led Zeppelin T-shirt that fit better when my man-boobs were two cup sizes smaller. When I go to any restaurant where fried food isn’t the predominant foodstuff and Hall and Oates isn’t featured on the in-house stereo, I stick out like a white guy in a N.W.A. band photo.

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To be honest, I never would have tried Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza if I didn’t have a friend who worked there. Prior to his employment there, I probably drove past the mini-mall pizza partition on Appleton’s Calumet Street some 50 times, never aware or caring enough to investigate who these “Nick” -N- (a cool way of writing and pronouncing the word “and”) “Willy” characters were.

“Some assholes, probably,” I’d speculate while en route to Kohl’s or some better pizza place. 

But while back in Appleton last week, I decided to pay a visit — my second in the past eight months — to both my buddy, and to Nick-N-Willy’s Pizza.
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Like the green rubbered fellow that gives the place its namesake, Gumby’s Pizza in Madison has seen better days. Which is basically like a nice way of saying it’s a shitpile, but still; when I went there recently, they had just been raided by the local Pepsi distributor who took all of their Pepsi back due to delinquent bills. The dude working there said it was because corporate didn’t pay a bill (it apparently had nothing to do with him), which is pretty gnarly to think about, since Pepsi apparently has collection people who will come and yank out soda fountains at the drop of a hat. Plus they didn’t actually have pans to serve the pizza on, so we ate ours right out of the box. They did have paper plates at least. But even the fucking stone Gumby they have in there is torn the hell up. Seriously, he looks less put together than Lil Wayne. Read more »

So seldom is the world impacted by a truly great change — things like democracy, women’s suffrage, and the Slap Chop. 

More often, a minimal and altogether futile change is brought about, and no real impact is brought to our planet nor anyone residing on it. This is evidenced by an unattractive woman getting highlights put in her hair, a guy going to the gym once a month, and — most recently — Domino’s Pizza COMPLETELY RE-INVENTING ITSELF! 

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